Blaster Master Kicks My Ass

John sent me this in an email. I laughed my ass off, and since it's related to my previous entry, I thought I'd share it with all y'all. Thanks, John.

"From the something awful forms.

I mind my 7 year old cousin for a few hours every weekend. Most of the time
is spent infront of the Xbox which, being 7, he loves.

I realised today that he has absolutely no wish to complete games and is
content in just running around shooting in FPSs etc. This is hardly
surprising since he is only 7, but I started to think about the reasons
behind this.

I remember when computer games were pretty much non existant and I remember
the life changing experience of owning a NES for the first time. My cousin
however, was born shortly after the Playstation was released. I can remeber
when games were 100% playability and 0% graphics, he unfortunately can only
remember the opposite.

Ten minutes ago I sat him down at a NES emulator and put on the very first
Mario brothers. The result was horrifying. The very first goomba killed him
repeatedly and he was unable to navigate mario over any gaps for the first
couple of lives. In the time it has taken me to write this he has asked me
the following questions about the game:

- What does that mushroom do?
- What are those green things that keep killing me?
- What are those brown things that keep killing me?
- What's a running jump?
- What does that flower thingy do?
- What does that star do?



Sure, it sounds like I'm being harsh, but my cousin has a SNES in his room
with Super Mario Allstars, Zelda, street fighter etc. but it would appear
that he's been neglecting it for his brother's PS2 and N64 instead.

I'm now on a mission to get his hand-eye co-ordination to the level it
should be at.

Has anyone else noticed anything similar in kids these days?

@@@@@

Battletoads on NES, anyone? Did they even bother making an ending for that
game? I mean, it's not like anyone ever SAW it. I seriously doubt it was
made to be finished.

Edit: Speaking of Ninja Gaiden Black, the original Ninja Gaiden on NES was
so hard, it was downright insulting to you as a human being.

@@@@@@

I thought final fantasy started at 10, how come all these other ones are you
are showing me suck so bad?" - My cousin.

Goddamnit, Cody, you twelve year old piece of shit .

@@@@@

I have a friend who's only 8, one time I showed him a Sonic the Hedgehog
Game Gear game and the first question he asked was:

"Where's Sonic's Voice?"

@@@@@@@

Break his soul with ghouls and ghosts."

And that's it, folks. I have to say, though, I remember being able to beat the very first Legend of Zelda--both quests, mind--without dying once. Now when I play the game, I'm so bad at it I make it seem like Link is a Special Olympics competitor with his legs tied together and a Kick Me sign taped to his back. So, yeah...the lesson is that new stuff only ruins the perfect you that you used to be.